My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
