you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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