the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
