I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
