you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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