cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
