So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
