the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
