do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
