Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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