Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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