I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
