he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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