so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
