I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize