hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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