she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
