I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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