i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
