Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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