Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
