oh god the rape fog is back!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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