i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
