I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
