I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
