How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
