We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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