i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
