At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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