fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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