dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
