So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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