I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
