i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
