So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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