Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
