foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
