If i come over, it means nothing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
