I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
