Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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