Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
