My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
