Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
