tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
