got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
