Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
