i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
