She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
