i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
