you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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