Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
