Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
