You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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