Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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