i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize