this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
