Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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