oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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