I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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