Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she woke up with a sticky ear
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
