Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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