News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
