a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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