so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
