We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
