dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
