You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms