my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
