Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it glows. i had to have it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
