what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
